73 Comments
Apr 27Liked by Sarah Fay

MY CLOTHES THAT ARE (LITERALLY) 12 SIZES TOO SMALL, in preparation for moving. Sad to see some of it go, and to accept that it's not going to fit again anytime soon. But, you're right, Sarah: it does (can?) feel good to get rid of some extra stuff.

Expand full comment

Yes, clothes that I'll never wear again... that will clear out half of my wardrobe! Where will you send yours, Jen? I think I'll give myself an hour tomorrow morning and fill a few bags for the local charity shop.

And, following this prompt from Jen, I'm going to GIVE AWAY ALL FEELINGS OF GUILT AS I TREAT MYSELF TO SOME NEW ITEMS FOR MY WARDROBE. I might have a look at the racks in the charity shop for something I WILL wear!

Expand full comment
author

Yes!

Expand full comment

Cheering you on, Jen. I’m feeling a little sad about letting certain material things go right now. Something that helps me is picturing other people using and hopefully enjoying them.

Expand full comment

Yes you don’t need them! Time to move on ✨

Expand full comment
author

I've been in the throes of this because I so dislike shopping.

Expand full comment

They get a new life with someone who needs them! We love giving to Goodwill and knowing someone will appreciate them.

Expand full comment

ALMOST EVERYTHING! My partner and I are moving to Cambodia in June and taking just our carry-ons and two Siamese cats. Wild times ahead...and lots of letting go of material possessions (cars, clothes, books, everything) as well as the familiarity of daily life and routine.

Expand full comment

That's an amazing adventure to embark on. I've visited Cambodia a few times. What part of the country are you going to live in?

Expand full comment

Thanks, David. We plan to spend a week or so in Phnom Penh, live in Siem Reap for a while, and may eventually move someplace more rural on the water. I used to live in Chiang Mai, Thailand, but have never been to Cambodia.

Expand full comment

And I welcome any advice or favourite spots!

Expand full comment

We spent most of our time in Siem Reap and loved it. Our last trip was about a decade ago.

We became involved in an organization that built schools in Cambodia and had the joyful experience of visiting "our" school, which was halfway between SR and PP. We still support the school and get monthly reports on progress with computers and English instruction. This is a generalization, but the Cambodian people we met had sweet and kind dispositions.

If you wanted to meet someone from the organization just to hear about what they do (not a solicitation), I think I could set that up. It could give you an interesting perspective.

Expand full comment

Yes, please! I’d love to meet someone from the organization. Feel free to DM or email me: hello@danaleighlyons.com

Expand full comment

That’s so exciting Dana. A fresh new start!

Expand full comment
author

Wow!!! Amazing. Your cats!

Expand full comment

I’m so stressed about moving them! I just keep telling myself it’ll be a rough 48 hours and then things will settle. They love sunshine and heat so hopefully will consider Cambodia an upgrade from Nova Scotia.

Expand full comment
author

Cats do adjust.

Expand full comment

Wow. I'd leave the cats too, honestly, but good luck!

Expand full comment

Thanks, Suzan. They are like family to me. ❤️

Expand full comment

I WANT TO GIVE AWAY MY GUILT AT BEING AWAY FROM SOPHIE, MY SHIH TZU, WHEN WE GO ON A FAMILY TRIP

She's well looked after, 24-7, at home when we're away. She must know by now that we're coming back. Still, the prospect of being away from her makes me sad. Once the trip has started, I'm okay.

Expand full comment

Oh, man. That’s so hard, David! The hardest part of going on trips for me is not being able to explain it to my cats.

Expand full comment

Dana, as a pet-sitter I find that frustrating too. As we approach family coming home day I give them an excited daily countdown. I have 4 days left with my current charge - the most adorable Border Terrier - and tell her several times a day that mummy and daddy will be cuddling her soon. I'll miss this one so much, after 2 months caring for her.

Expand full comment

Aww. That must be so hard saying goodbye after caring for them and being their companion!

Expand full comment

Some definitely more than others, Dana, though I love them all.

Expand full comment
Apr 27Liked by Sarah Fay, Sarah Fay

I relate to this so much, David. I feel so guilty when I go away even though my dog is being treated like a prince at my parents’ house.

Expand full comment
author

Oh, I hear you. I'm reading a novel that opens with the protagonist leaving his cat for the first time. I almost couldn't keep reading. The horror.

Expand full comment

David, if it's any help, I do house and pet-sitting and pour so much love into the creatures. Of course they miss you, how could they not? I pay a lot of attention to helping them quickly find a new, comfortable normal until you come home, with heaps of play, cuddles and rest time.

Expand full comment

Thanks Caroline. For now, we're set as we have a third "parent" of Sophie who stays with her. For future reference, what is the geographical reach of your house and pet sitting?

Expand full comment

Oops sorry David, just reread my comment and it does sound like I'm pitching. I'm actually fully booked this year. What I meant was "if it makes you feel any better, the majority of pet-sitters pour so much love into the creatures."

Expand full comment

I just left my dog this morning for five days. He’s home with my young adult so. And his favorite dog walker but I still feel awful walking out the dog listening to him whine

Expand full comment

I'm trying to convince myself that our pets recover emotionally much more quickly than we do.

Expand full comment

I AM A HUMAN BEING NOT A HUMAN DOING - This month, I'm making a conscious effort to shift my focus from "doing" to "being." I'll be exploring my values and passions, and practicing self-compassion to build a stronger sense of self-worth. I'm letting go of the worry that I'm not doing enough, and instead, I'm focusing on the fact that I am enough, exactly as I am.

Expand full comment
author

Fantastic!

Expand full comment

So well said, and I realise this partners well with my own ‘giving’. How much calmer might we be, being? Thank you for the prompt.

Expand full comment

Good for you! I'm also a "do-er" - very hard to sit still...but working on it.

Expand full comment

After dealing with 22 days of creeping crud I’m giving away my belief that April was a wash. I will think of myself as an eagle, resting up for the next burst (God willing) where I can soar.

Expand full comment
author

Yes! It wasn't a wash. I feel like April was rickety for a lot of us. Fits and starts. A bit of stagnation thrown in.

Expand full comment

I’m giving up GUILT from spending a lot of time writing on Substack. Yes, I spend much more time here than I intended, but I share useful therapeutic materials the people enjoy, and I’m building a business and future here. And it won’t write itself! Goodbye guilt! 👋

https://lettersfromtherapy.substack.com/

Expand full comment

Kate, put that guilt away in a drawer and open another one marked pleasure. Every word you write is pleasure for you, and pleasure for others... now that's a good way to spend time isn't it?

Expand full comment

Love this Yasmin! That draw is now firmly shut! 💛

Expand full comment
author

Amen! It's wonderful to have you on here.

Expand full comment

BEATING MYSELF UP FOR STUPID SHIT. My longtime therapist once told me that guilt is a useless emotion. I’m not sure I agree, but I do overuse it to the point of exhaustion.

Expand full comment
author

I agree that guilt can be interesting to explore--i.e., huh, I wonder why that's coming up? But someone once told me that the problem with guilt is that it makes itself seem necessary and useful, so it just builds and builds.

Expand full comment

That’s really interesting. It DOES make itself seem necessary and useful, and the more you feel that it’s benefitting you in some way, the more damage it can do. In that sense, it’s kind of like a drug.

Expand full comment
author

It is like a drug! Worry too. Guilt is the gateway drug to worry.

Expand full comment

But if you do it first, you beat everyone else to it, right? That's how it works with me at least. Hope you succeed!

Expand full comment

You nailed it! That’s exactly it. Get yourself before anyone else can get you.

Expand full comment

I’m working on giving up perfectionism. No small task as we all know. So to motivate myself I’ll be keeping the benefits in mind. It will allow me to put more of my work out into the world. Work that is in service of others. Don’t let your audience wait until it’s perfect. They may need to hear what you have to say now.

Expand full comment

Love this Marychris!

Expand full comment

Cheering you on as a recovering perfectionist. A really powerful, knowledgeable and compassionate book on the topic I read last year is Katherine Morgan Schaffler's The Perfectionist's Guide To Losing Control. I highly recommend as a way to flip the thinking around perfectionism. It can be a superpower, when understood and managed in the right way.

Expand full comment
author

Checking it out...

Expand full comment

Thx Amy! I’ll check out her book. Appreciate it.

Expand full comment
author

Substack is so good for that! It completely cured me of my perfectionism. We get to be human on here.

Expand full comment

Oh, yes… the beauty of being able to go back and adjust a sentence or two at a later date. It’s a good feeling.

Expand full comment

TIME: 10 HOURS DAILY SHARING INFO. I am not into clothes. I doubt anyone would like my shorts, tights and sport tops. I don't like clutter...and give things away that I don't use.

Expand full comment

WORRY. I am going to give away worry. It keeps me from living in my Zone of Genius (yes, that's from The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, a book that has found its way to me at just the right time). After a lifetime of championship worrying, this won't be easy to give away. But it's time. It's a trophy that is weighing me down.

Expand full comment
author

Ditto.

Expand full comment

UNCERTAINTY ABOUT SETTING UP PAID SUBSCRIPTIONS TODAY. I felt like a bit of a fraud for putting my writing behind a paywall, but it's chapters from my memoir and there's some intimate content. If people want to read about my dating/sex adventures they will have to pay for it.

Expand full comment

In this case your paywall is just a boundary, think about it like a personal boundary. For instance, you wouldn’t tell everyone on the street about your life, you would create a small community of only those who show an interest and who have demonstrated a certain amount of trust in you, and you in them. Go for it!

Expand full comment

Thank you so much Yasmin for your wise words and your support! Thinking of the paywall as a boundary is really helpful. 🥰❤️

Expand full comment
author

Yasmin is so right and wise!

Expand full comment

Thank you Sarah for starting this conversation. I'm grateful for the opportunity to share and receive support from your wise and compassionate community. 🙏

Expand full comment

Cheering you on, Amy. Kimberly Harrington refers to it as a privacy wall - I love that.

Expand full comment

Dana, it means so much to have you cheering me on 🙏. I write about grief, and some of the things I did to try and outrun it when my husband died. He was my biggest cheerleader in life, although I didn't start writing until after he died. I suppose I started writing in earnest because he died, which feels a bit strange. In any case, I love having you as a cheerleader! Anyone else who wants to join the squad is welcome 🥰

Expand full comment

TRANQUILITY And encouragement to find it in small things. Hmm, is that two or part of one invitation?

Expand full comment
author

I'm thinking one requires the other.

Expand full comment

My feelings too, thanks Sarah.

Expand full comment

I’m giving up the SHOULDS - what I think I should be doing or feeling or saying… It’s crippling me!

Expand full comment
author

Amen.

Expand full comment

Can it be more than one? Hard to choose this month. Worry, uncertainty, guilt. I’m dealing with a heath issue that has family ramifications. I’ll be working on staying focused on the things I can control and letting go of the rest.

Expand full comment

Anxiety. I'm giving away anxiety this month.

Expand full comment
author

I'm with you.

Expand full comment

PEACH TREE SEEDLINGS I NURSED FROM PITS OVER WINTER.

Expand full comment