It’s that age-old try not to think about a pink elephant and all you’ll think about is a pink elephant.
The mind can be relentless.
There’s no stopping it from spinning or reminding us of what we’d like to think less about. (I write this at 5 AM because I couldn’t stop thinking about this thread.)
What's something you'll think less about this month?
Put it in the comments.
Find someone else’s think-less-about that resonates and respond.
I love that we all get to be here together.
Sending less of more,
Sarah
P.S. If you know someone who struggles with their mental health and would like a little less negativity and a little more hope, share Cured with them by giving them a gift subscription:
To think less about something, try thinking about something else as a worthy replacement. That may sound like a too simple solution. It's about changing your mind the same way you change a diaper. Take off the old, put on the new.
Ren, this is something I have to remind myself of every day - don't look at the stats, just keep showing up. It's hard but I'm there with you. Glad you are here!
I'd also like to think less about those two! Sarah mentioned bookmarking your "posts" page in the browser, so that you can get right to drafting your posts, instead of its default, which is Notes. It's distracting enough with all the notifications, then you have to go to the dashboard and see those numbers -- such a cruel journey for me to begin making a post! It's so much better since I bookmarked the "posts" page. I rarely look at the numbers and feel so much better, thanks to Sarah! I hope it helps you too!
Absolutely. Numbers are just numbers. Quality has more value than quantity. And less screen is probably better for everyone. Books! A way to exercise the eyeballs and have the tactile pleasure of turning pages!
I will be trying to think less (really, to worry less) about other people's feelings about me related to things I can't control. (For example, if I invite someone on a hike, and the 5% chance of thunderstorms ends up becoming 100% an hour in, I can apologize for the inconvenience, but then I need to let it go. I didn't do it on purpose, can't do anything to change it other than offer a raincoat perhaps if I have one, and it wasn't really even a "mistake" per se. It was a reasonable assumption or interpretation that ended up not being correct. If they're upset that I invited them that day, me feeling insecure and worrying about it isn't going to help. At all.)
Sarah, I, too, have been up at all hours with spinning worries that won't stop. In a happy coincidence, I recently stumbled across a tip on my news feed that actually has helped at night when I can't stop thinking to go to sleep: think if-and picture the meaning of-every word you can that starts with a certain letter. When you run out of words long enough that your mind begins to wander to rumination, go to a different letter and do the same. You can either start at some point in the alphabet, or you can pick a word and do every letter: W, then O, then R, then D, for example. It has actually helped me not only stop worrying, but get back to sleep faster. I find that most tips for stuff like this don't work very well for most people, but I hope there is someone else out there for whom this hits the mark.
The thunderstorm scenario is so relatable! I, too, worry a lot about other people's feelings that are out of my control. The letter sleep trick is a new one! I will try :) Thanks for sharing!
Oh, Alanon is so good for letting that all out. My brothers disease has finally come close to killing him. He now needs a kidney and a liver. It is so heartbreaking to be powerless over it.
Trying to think less about family members’ harmful choices and heartbreaking consequences. Also how little time we have left together. I love them. And I can’t save them.
Agreed! The rushing—yesterday I was working and had this moment of clarity and peace. I couldn’t think of why. Then I realized I simply wasn’t rushing.
Wow. Just read this: According to the National Science Foundation, 95% of the average person's thoughts are repetitive, and 80% of those thoughts are negative.
That is scary. I really struggled for years with negativity due to PTSD, depression, and anxiety from some trauma I experienced. This past year has seen significant strides made in the way I approach my own thoughts and outlook but it is sad to realize so many people are living under that cloud of darkness.
Matthew, I have been there as well. I’m so glad to hear that you’re making progress. My big breakthrough was starting my Substack. It is a great company here, and gives me the opportunity and confidence to share my story, knowing that it resonates with so many people, for many reasons. I’m so glad you are among my readers, and that I am among yours. One thing I tell everyone is that we all have a pilot light within. We may not see it, but it’s there. And it can never be extinguished. I believe this. I would not be here without it. Keep writing!
What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
I read this stat a couple years ago and yet it always stops me in my tracks. I’m applying for a new job soon and I’m going to start cultivating “what if I fly” thoughts instead of “what if I fall”
I love “what if I fly”! I was just saying to Matthew: What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
Sarah, thank for this thread. I shared these statistics with my neighbors at our coffee gathering this morning, and the discussion that followed was terrific. Everyone could relate.
Here’s part 2 I shared with Matthew: What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
One of my big goals for this year has been to give less mental energy to things outside of my control - particularly the emotions and thoughts of others. When we are so consumed by things we can't control, those things become chains preventing us from moving forward. I am working hard to put kindness out in the world while recognizing each person's value. I can control me - my thoughts and actions so that is where I am trying to focus my energies.
Love this, and I'm with you. Mel Robbins has a short video about what she calls the "let them theory." I've found it to be very helpful to have an easy reminder to go back to.
I love learning and taking classes but sometimes I’ve got too much going on. This summer I will think less about what I need to learn before I can share something. Instead I will share what I know.
I will think less about how much I hate shopping for groceries and more about how important it is not to run out of cat food. That’s my new way of reframing that particular task: I’m here to buy Fancy Feast, but maybe I should get some bread to put my peanut butter on.
Funny to read this just a couple of hours after I decided to think less of how something makes me feel and what I am supposed to learn from it, and stick more with the facts. Give back some of the responsibility to the outside world instead of taking it all for myself. Less tinkering on the inside, please, be more on the outside (which is so against my own Substack, which is about self-reflection...)
Oh, I love this. Sometimes, we can so caught up in analysing our emotions and the possible underlying root causes, that it does more harm than good. It's good to be aware of an emotion, feel it and then - let it go. I think this is still an act of self-reflection. I think that if we first of all take the emotion as it is, and it is something that comes out of our very own responsibility, it will be pretty obvious. If we have to dig deep, we probably should simply let it go.
Irony always gets us in the end! I love this (and maybe you’ll write on it): self-reflection without making the entire world our responsibility. I love that.
Mm this hits. I'm a wee bit sick of myself, to be honest. Fatigued by endlessly analyzing with the goal of "optimizing". learn learn learn! grow grow grow! heal heal heal! My feelings, upon close study, have proven to be intensely dramatic and tricky little bastards, self absorbed in spirit, and generally not acting with benevolence to the rest of my being. I will offer them due respect, a tip of my hat and a cautious berth, we may thus peacefully co exist.
I recently learned that when you hum your brain can't keep on thinking in parallel!
Well, some big decisions are coming up in my life, but there is no need (and also a lack of further details) to make them now. So, during the coming week, I will try to keep my mind as focused as possible on whatever it can actually serve on in the very moment.
I’ve recently discovered the genius behind the mantra. I’ve memorized a 100 syllable Vajrasattva mantra. It is genius to occupy the brain with when it just won’t stop wandering.
I am practicing thinking less about what I’m not good at and doubling down on what I do well. I’m finally a writer I respect. Financial genius? Not so much. I have been counting days on self hatred since Jan. 1. Just as I did when I stopped drinking 22 years ago. It is a great discipline to catch the slightest flicker before it flames up.
I’m going to stop the “you suck” messaging as soon as it starts to play in my head. It’s a habit as the research seems to say. And not a truth. Thanks for sharing this, Sarah.
I have struggled with my "About" page and now have slashed it down to almost nothing - at least that's what it feels like. It's refreshing to cut and see it improve, like pruning a tree. Credit goes to a Cohort meeting with Sarah. Any feedback appreciated as it and my reason for being on Substack at all continue to evolve! https://iowatransplant.substack.com/about
I'm thinking less (acting less? Using less?) about my phone. I've deleted all the apps that keep me flicking back and forth like a deranged rabbit, and thinking more about my creativity, the headspace I want to claim, the fact that my attention is precious.
On the flip side, I thinking more about protecting / safeguarding / nurturing my attention and upping my reading time. Wherever possible, if my phone sits somewhere, so does a book- I'm training my brain if it's going to reach for something, let it be physical pages rather than a screen xx
I will think less about running out of bread and getting stains on the couch cushions! When I find myself throat clenched, nails pressed into my palms, surreptitiously supervising my husband and step daughter's every move with beady eyes...I will remind myself that I am safe, that I am taken care of, that if I relax and let go of the need to control, I will be ooooooooookaaaaay. We will not run out of bread. The couch will not be ruined. This is not the person that I am deep down, this is not how I want to be, to be remembered. I will be taken care of. I will be taken care of. I don't need to guard the bread.
My brain struggles to be quiet at the best of times so I definitely have to fill it with things to start most often.... But the thing I am most consciously trying to stop at the moment is being judgey! Looking at people with compassion being the active part of that... Can be super hard with some peeps but boy does it make you feel virtuous when you pull it off hehe... Tongue biting happens a tad 😘
One trick I use is to imagine the person I am judging is someone vulnerable I love the most. My little sister for example. Or if it’s already someone I love, I imagine it’s my last day with them. It usually shifts things. 💕💕💕
There are definitely things I’m trying to avoid over thinking about just now - and the answer seems to be keeping busy. I know it’s not a permanent solution, but hopefully the problem is t permanent either 🤷🏼♀️ I do keep meaning to do more meditation too!
I overthink, sometimes about my overthinking (that's fun), about my audience, and usually about how a single piece is solving everything for them. Not that they need me to SOLVE anything, but I'm a recovering fixer and ruminator. I'll think less this month about what I don't know about Substack, and build in time to actually learn more about finding the people who need what I write.
That’s great. It’s hard. We want to think about our audience, but it can lead us down the wrong path. But not thinking about our audience does the same. I love what you’re saying. Reaching out, keeping the door open.
To think less about something, try thinking about something else as a worthy replacement. That may sound like a too simple solution. It's about changing your mind the same way you change a diaper. Take off the old, put on the new.
So good. We have to give the mind something to do.
I will think less about substack's subscription numbers and notes. (I will read a book).
YES! I’m new to Substack and when my husband says something simple like “how many subscribers do you have?” I go down a mental bunny hole.
Ren, this is something I have to remind myself of every day - don't look at the stats, just keep showing up. It's hard but I'm there with you. Glad you are here!
Yes!!!!
I'd also like to think less about those two! Sarah mentioned bookmarking your "posts" page in the browser, so that you can get right to drafting your posts, instead of its default, which is Notes. It's distracting enough with all the notifications, then you have to go to the dashboard and see those numbers -- such a cruel journey for me to begin making a post! It's so much better since I bookmarked the "posts" page. I rarely look at the numbers and feel so much better, thanks to Sarah! I hope it helps you too!
I bookmarked my posts page awhile back and it has been a game changer for me. So good for my mental health!
I love it every day, multiple times a day.
Absolutely. Numbers are just numbers. Quality has more value than quantity. And less screen is probably better for everyone. Books! A way to exercise the eyeballs and have the tactile pleasure of turning pages!
I’ve just been thinking about all the books I could have read, had I not been thinking of ways to increase my subscriber count.
Right???
I will be trying to think less (really, to worry less) about other people's feelings about me related to things I can't control. (For example, if I invite someone on a hike, and the 5% chance of thunderstorms ends up becoming 100% an hour in, I can apologize for the inconvenience, but then I need to let it go. I didn't do it on purpose, can't do anything to change it other than offer a raincoat perhaps if I have one, and it wasn't really even a "mistake" per se. It was a reasonable assumption or interpretation that ended up not being correct. If they're upset that I invited them that day, me feeling insecure and worrying about it isn't going to help. At all.)
Sarah, I, too, have been up at all hours with spinning worries that won't stop. In a happy coincidence, I recently stumbled across a tip on my news feed that actually has helped at night when I can't stop thinking to go to sleep: think if-and picture the meaning of-every word you can that starts with a certain letter. When you run out of words long enough that your mind begins to wander to rumination, go to a different letter and do the same. You can either start at some point in the alphabet, or you can pick a word and do every letter: W, then O, then R, then D, for example. It has actually helped me not only stop worrying, but get back to sleep faster. I find that most tips for stuff like this don't work very well for most people, but I hope there is someone else out there for whom this hits the mark.
I love this, but I want to make sure I understand. Tell me again.
The thunderstorm scenario is so relatable! I, too, worry a lot about other people's feelings that are out of my control. The letter sleep trick is a new one! I will try :) Thanks for sharing!
I spent years berating myself for choosing such a hot, humid day to get married.
That’s hilarious, Mary.
I will think of my less about a loved one’s addiction issues. It wears me to a nub.
I’m walking with something similar these days, Anne Marie. Wishing you moments of spaciousness and serenity amidst it all. Hang in there.
And remember to keep being gentle with yourself as you love them the best you can even if from a short distance
Oh, Alanon is so good for letting that all out. My brothers disease has finally come close to killing him. He now needs a kidney and a liver. It is so heartbreaking to be powerless over it.
Trying to think less about family members’ harmful choices and heartbreaking consequences. Also how little time we have left together. I love them. And I can’t save them.
I’m with you.
Yes.
I feel you, having this experience currently while visiting family in the UK
Thank you. Oof. Family visits can be so hard.
I will think less about rushing my manuscript to be ready to pitch and more about noticing the things in nature that ground me and keep me sane.
Agreed! The rushing—yesterday I was working and had this moment of clarity and peace. I couldn’t think of why. Then I realized I simply wasn’t rushing.
I love that, Sarah! Thanks for sharing. It sure makes me feel like we are in solidarity with one another.
Yes, just catching myself and stopping to breathe is a game changer.
Wow. Just read this: According to the National Science Foundation, 95% of the average person's thoughts are repetitive, and 80% of those thoughts are negative.
That is scary. I really struggled for years with negativity due to PTSD, depression, and anxiety from some trauma I experienced. This past year has seen significant strides made in the way I approach my own thoughts and outlook but it is sad to realize so many people are living under that cloud of darkness.
One day at a time Matthew, been there 🤎
Matthew, I have been there as well. I’m so glad to hear that you’re making progress. My big breakthrough was starting my Substack. It is a great company here, and gives me the opportunity and confidence to share my story, knowing that it resonates with so many people, for many reasons. I’m so glad you are among my readers, and that I am among yours. One thing I tell everyone is that we all have a pilot light within. We may not see it, but it’s there. And it can never be extinguished. I believe this. I would not be here without it. Keep writing!
What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
I read this stat a couple years ago and yet it always stops me in my tracks. I’m applying for a new job soon and I’m going to start cultivating “what if I fly” thoughts instead of “what if I fall”
I love “what if I fly”! I was just saying to Matthew: What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
Good luck the job! They’ll be lucky to have you.
Thank you Sarah 🙏 Yes! My brain is only acting on its default negative setting 🧠 it’s up to me to reroute it 🗺️
I was just in one when I read your comment and you pulled me out of it. Thank you!
You’re very welcome! And a thank you right back, using “what if I fly” as a thought is making me feel lighter and better 🕊️
Rumination nation!
Sarah, thank for this thread. I shared these statistics with my neighbors at our coffee gathering this morning, and the discussion that followed was terrific. Everyone could relate.
Here’s part 2 I shared with Matthew: What’s interesting is evolutionary psychology’s take on it: Our brains are on the lookout for danger to keep us alive. Its job is to be negative. I try to thank it for doing its job and then taking it we’re not on the veldt with lions, just at a computer answering email.
If Marie Kondo can thank her sweaters for keeping her warm, I suppose I can thank my brain for keeping me alive.
I love that.
I really struggle with repetitive and negative thoughts
One of my big goals for this year has been to give less mental energy to things outside of my control - particularly the emotions and thoughts of others. When we are so consumed by things we can't control, those things become chains preventing us from moving forward. I am working hard to put kindness out in the world while recognizing each person's value. I can control me - my thoughts and actions so that is where I am trying to focus my energies.
I can relate to this so much! I am working on a similar focus right now.
Yes. So well said.
Amen. Truer words…
Love this, and I'm with you. Mel Robbins has a short video about what she calls the "let them theory." I've found it to be very helpful to have an easy reminder to go back to.
I’ll have to watch it.
I love learning and taking classes but sometimes I’ve got too much going on. This summer I will think less about what I need to learn before I can share something. Instead I will share what I know.
That’s wonderful.
I am positive and upbeat most of the time... what most don’t realize though is that I actively work at it.
Mantras. Prayer. Journaling (this is a BIG one!). Deliberate self-talk.
Otherwise the 🐰 🕳️ can be daunting, especially as I get older.
Thanks for a great thread - so important to talk about these things.
I’m with you. I work hard at keeping me and my mind on the same side.
I’m a big journal writer as well! Nice to know that others work at seeing the positive side of life. Thanks for sharing.
I think writing down positive views makes a huge difference.
I will think less about how much I hate shopping for groceries and more about how important it is not to run out of cat food. That’s my new way of reframing that particular task: I’m here to buy Fancy Feast, but maybe I should get some bread to put my peanut butter on.
I love this. Your cat is (no surprise) keeping you fed and alive.
She’s good at her job.
Think less about how I write and more about why I write.
That’s genius.
Funny to read this just a couple of hours after I decided to think less of how something makes me feel and what I am supposed to learn from it, and stick more with the facts. Give back some of the responsibility to the outside world instead of taking it all for myself. Less tinkering on the inside, please, be more on the outside (which is so against my own Substack, which is about self-reflection...)
Oh, I love this. Sometimes, we can so caught up in analysing our emotions and the possible underlying root causes, that it does more harm than good. It's good to be aware of an emotion, feel it and then - let it go. I think this is still an act of self-reflection. I think that if we first of all take the emotion as it is, and it is something that comes out of our very own responsibility, it will be pretty obvious. If we have to dig deep, we probably should simply let it go.
Irony always gets us in the end! I love this (and maybe you’ll write on it): self-reflection without making the entire world our responsibility. I love that.
Mm this hits. I'm a wee bit sick of myself, to be honest. Fatigued by endlessly analyzing with the goal of "optimizing". learn learn learn! grow grow grow! heal heal heal! My feelings, upon close study, have proven to be intensely dramatic and tricky little bastards, self absorbed in spirit, and generally not acting with benevolence to the rest of my being. I will offer them due respect, a tip of my hat and a cautious berth, we may thus peacefully co exist.
This: “ intensely dramatic and tricky little bastards.” Yup.
I recently learned that when you hum your brain can't keep on thinking in parallel!
Well, some big decisions are coming up in my life, but there is no need (and also a lack of further details) to make them now. So, during the coming week, I will try to keep my mind as focused as possible on whatever it can actually serve on in the very moment.
I’ve recently discovered the genius behind the mantra. I’ve memorized a 100 syllable Vajrasattva mantra. It is genius to occupy the brain with when it just won’t stop wandering.
Brilliant—both humming and reminding ourselves that the decision doesn’t have to be made right now, especially if it isn’t even time to make it.
The toxic mean girls at my temporary job
Yes!
I am practicing thinking less about what I’m not good at and doubling down on what I do well. I’m finally a writer I respect. Financial genius? Not so much. I have been counting days on self hatred since Jan. 1. Just as I did when I stopped drinking 22 years ago. It is a great discipline to catch the slightest flicker before it flames up.
That’s an amazing achievement!
Inspired by the idea of thinking less about what I’m not good at and creating space for what I’m great at as well as what I’d love to upskill on
That’s an absolutely amazing achievement.
Thanks, Sarah!
Today I will think less about Haagen Dazs.
Good luck :)
I’m going to stop the “you suck” messaging as soon as it starts to play in my head. It’s a habit as the research seems to say. And not a truth. Thanks for sharing this, Sarah.
Yes! I think you’re awesome.
I plan to think less in terms of scarcity and more in terms of abundance.
I’m going to think less of ‘if only X person would do X differently, then everything would be better’
Thanks Sarah, this is a great question to consider
I have that same x-x pattern.
I have struggled with my "About" page and now have slashed it down to almost nothing - at least that's what it feels like. It's refreshing to cut and see it improve, like pruning a tree. Credit goes to a Cohort meeting with Sarah. Any feedback appreciated as it and my reason for being on Substack at all continue to evolve! https://iowatransplant.substack.com/about
I'm thinking less (acting less? Using less?) about my phone. I've deleted all the apps that keep me flicking back and forth like a deranged rabbit, and thinking more about my creativity, the headspace I want to claim, the fact that my attention is precious.
On the flip side, I thinking more about protecting / safeguarding / nurturing my attention and upping my reading time. Wherever possible, if my phone sits somewhere, so does a book- I'm training my brain if it's going to reach for something, let it be physical pages rather than a screen xx
I will think less about running out of bread and getting stains on the couch cushions! When I find myself throat clenched, nails pressed into my palms, surreptitiously supervising my husband and step daughter's every move with beady eyes...I will remind myself that I am safe, that I am taken care of, that if I relax and let go of the need to control, I will be ooooooooookaaaaay. We will not run out of bread. The couch will not be ruined. This is not the person that I am deep down, this is not how I want to be, to be remembered. I will be taken care of. I will be taken care of. I don't need to guard the bread.
I dreamed my teacher in women's circle said shut up just shut up. Listen. Watch. Just shut up.
So that's what I'll do. For a while. And look. And listen
My brain struggles to be quiet at the best of times so I definitely have to fill it with things to start most often.... But the thing I am most consciously trying to stop at the moment is being judgey! Looking at people with compassion being the active part of that... Can be super hard with some peeps but boy does it make you feel virtuous when you pull it off hehe... Tongue biting happens a tad 😘
One trick I use is to imagine the person I am judging is someone vulnerable I love the most. My little sister for example. Or if it’s already someone I love, I imagine it’s my last day with them. It usually shifts things. 💕💕💕
Agreed.
Thinking less about money stress. Thinking more about the activities that nourish my soul.
I’m with you.
There are definitely things I’m trying to avoid over thinking about just now - and the answer seems to be keeping busy. I know it’s not a permanent solution, but hopefully the problem is t permanent either 🤷🏼♀️ I do keep meaning to do more meditation too!
I agree. Sometimes I think our minds overact and overreact when we aren’t keeping them occupied.
I'm going to think less about work. YAYYY. Thanks, Sarah. ❤️
Yay!
I will think less about obsessing over having perfect nutrition in my pregnancy and just try to do the best I can each day.
Yes! Creating another human is enough.
I overthink, sometimes about my overthinking (that's fun), about my audience, and usually about how a single piece is solving everything for them. Not that they need me to SOLVE anything, but I'm a recovering fixer and ruminator. I'll think less this month about what I don't know about Substack, and build in time to actually learn more about finding the people who need what I write.
That’s great. It’s hard. We want to think about our audience, but it can lead us down the wrong path. But not thinking about our audience does the same. I love what you’re saying. Reaching out, keeping the door open.
I'm going to try and think with less of a problem solving attitude during meditation...